Are you still thinking of me? (I know you’re not)
I wonder if you’ll read this. Are you? Probably not. If by chance you are, hi.
Sleep has become my sanctuary, a refuge from academic stress, depression, and, inescapably, thoughts of you. But lately, my mental defences have crumbled, and the moment my head touches the pillow, your presence infiltrates my dreams. Some people believe that dreaming of someone means they are thinking of you. That notion is comforting yet absurd. Still, my heart flutters at the thought. The reality is that dreams are a reflection of our subconscious, a true indication of repressed feelings. These dreams are sweet, innocent, and pure. Yet, every time I awaken, I find myself drenched in sweat, shivering in the cold.
It feels as though my mind conspires against me, tormenting me with visions of what could have been, haunting me with possibilities that are no longer attainable.
I can no longer listen to my favourite songs; I shared them with you. I can no longer escape to the place where the water meets the rocks; I took you there. So many things are now tainted by the memory of you. It’s a poignant reminder that the depth of a connection isn’t measured by time but by the impact, someone has on you. You may have only known them briefly, yet they leave an indelible mark. Conversely, you could have known someone for years, and the true connection only blossoms later.
I might understand why you appear in my dreams, but my conscious self isn’t ready to confront that revelation yet. I yearn to purge you from my mind, soul, and body. Every word you spoke during our brief time together lingers vividly in my memory. Maybe, one day, those memories will fade. My dreams capture you perfectly — your voice, your eyes, your touch, everything. You are someone I wish no harm upon; I hope you eat well, sleep well, and find happiness. But, please, don’t let me hear about it. Perhaps in another universe, one of those dreams is our reality. However, in this reality, I fell, and you didn’t. I hope you find that timeless, 80s kind of love, you talked about.
“I’ll see you in the aisle” (maybe)
Wishing you the best always,
Karyee.
