Respect the dead and move on.
“things people don’t tell you…” — GETTING GHOSTED (Episode Four)
Coming from someone who has both been ghosted and ghosted others, I’ll admit: it’s the coward’s way out. Ghosting avoids the tough conversation under the guise of sparing the other person’s feelings when, in reality, it ends up hurting them more. A difficult discussion may sting, but it brings something invaluable — clarity.
Getting ghosted feels like being abruptly cut out of someone’s life without warning, like a door slammed shut so suddenly you’re left standing there, stunned. It’s not just the rejection that hurts; it’s the lack of explanation. You’re left grasping at straws, questioning every interaction, wondering where you went wrong. The silence becomes deafening, and the unanswered “why” eats away at you.
“I thought things were fine”
“Did I say too much?”
“Was I not enough?”
“Was I too much?”
“When did they decide to cut me off?”
What people don’t tell you is how ghosting messes with your sense of self. It’s not just about losing the person — it’s about the uncertainty they leave behind. Ghosting plants seeds of self-doubt that are hard to uproot, making you second-guess your worth in future interactions.
But here’s the ugly truth: ghosting isn’t about you. It’s about them. It’s a reflection of their inability to handle discomfort, not your inadequacy. Ghosting is a defence mechanism, a way to avoid accountability and confrontation. It’s the easiest way out for someone who doesn’t want to deal with the fallout of their actions.
When you’re ghosted, you might be tempted to chase after answers. A “Hey, are you okay?” turns into a desperate plea for closure that they’ll never give you. You end up mourning a connection that only exists in your mind because they’ve already moved on without offering you the courtesy of knowing why.
It’s brutal, but here’s the thing: you have to respect the dead and move on.
Respecting the dead means letting go, even when you don’t have closure. It means accepting that their silence says more about them than their words ever could. It means understanding that chasing after someone who doesn’t value your time or emotions isn’t worth the energy.
As someone who has ghosted others, I understand the other side of the coin. Ghosting is often born out of fear — the fear of being the villain, the fear of seeing hurt in someone else’s eyes, the fear of confrontation itself. But avoidance is never a kind act; it’s just a selfish one dressed up as mercy.
Getting ghosted teaches you to value clarity and respect in all your relationships. It’s a painful lesson, but it’s also a powerful one. You learn to recognise the importance of emotional maturity and the courage it takes to be honest with someone, even when it’s uncomfortable.
I, too, am still learning. Although I’ve only ghosted one person, I know now that it feels infinitely better to be truthful than to quietly extricate yourself from someone’s life. Honesty, no matter how difficult, allows for closure — for both parties. It’s a way of acknowledging the other person’s humanity and respecting their emotions, even if the truth hurts in the moment.
Ghosting, in contrast, lingers like an unanswered question — not just for them but also for you. It leaves behind a sense of unfinished business, a gnawing discomfort that doesn’t fade with time. Having experienced both sides, I can say with certainty that choosing courage over avoidance, clarity over silence, feels like the right thing — not just for them but for yourself. It’s a small act of kindness in a world that often lacks it.
If you’ve been ghosted, know this: they didn’t have enough respect for you to have a genuine conversation. So, find someone who does.
“It’s not you, it’s me” — Yeah, it is.
