for you,
I’m sorry, little one. I’m so profoundly sorry. I put us through a relentless, torturous hell, didn’t I? I’m sorry for the gnawing hunger I inflicted upon us, for the sickness that took root, for the sadness and anger that enveloped our days. I wanted to protect you, please believe that.
I apologize for the jar that lacked a label, leaving us to confuse sugar with salt. I’m sorry I wasn’t there to shield you from the cruelty of children who mocked your low nose bridge, your tan skin, your raven-black hair, and your eyes, which they likened to a demon’s. I wish someone had told you that you are cherished, that you are loved beyond measure. I wish I could have been the one to tell you that. Perhaps then, your radiant smile would still grace this world. Life is merciless, and it is a bitter tragedy that you had to learn its harsh lessons so young.
Forgive me for convincing you that food was our enemy, for labelling you as weak and pathetic when you are anything but. You are just ten years old, a time meant for joy and discovery. You should savour whatever delights you crave, and cry whenever you need to. These things do not signify weakness; they affirm your humanity. I’m sorry for the excruciating cuts I carved into our skin, for the bitter medication I forced you to swallow, and for not holding your hand when you needed comfort the most.
You are remarkable, you know? I am incredibly proud of you. Despite everything, you’ve been so diligent, bearing all that pain, meticulously gathering the shattered fragments of our broken heart. You’ve been a little warrior, steadfast and resilient for so long. But now, little one, you can lay down your armour. It is my turn to fight for you, my turn to live for you.
I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I will spend the rest of our life striving to earn it. Still, I have a selfish request: could you blow out our candles on our nineteenth birthday? You have hidden in the shadows since our eleventh, perhaps you could grace us with your presence once more? I know I failed to protect us, but I vow to do better. I promise, with every fibre of my being, that I will make amends and create a life where you can feel safe, loved, and valued.
I will not let you down again.
Yours,
Karyee xx
